From the monthly archives:

February 2008

Never too late for love ♥

by coffeesister · 6 comments

For all its naysayers, St. Valentine’s Day really is simply a celebration of love. Throughout a convoluted but long history, the constant has been valor. Seldom is such courage possible aside from love thus their intertwining makes perfect sense. Their culmination into a holiday too focused on coupling is not quite so logical but shouldn’t detract from the opportunity it offers. Rather than just being an opportunity for couples though, it’s a chance to focus on any & all love in our lives. As with any traditions, we don’t want to be distracted by them. Even the accompanying marketing doesn’t have to get in the way if we’re inspired by what moves us & ignore what doesn’t. Those categories are going to differ for everyone which is how Valentine’s can still come across as personal.

Many a loving person is resentful of a date on the calendar reminding them to be loving. Past the question of any supposed need to be reminded comes the issue of expectations. As if it’s not bad enough to be told when & how to express our love, our loved ones can’t help but end up expecting some form of declaration. Those of us who aren’t reticent to say “I love you” may wonder how any token or action can say more than we already do. Yet that’s precisely it; if love’s not already being expressed, nothing can convey it. It’s when love is already present & has been made clear that tokens, actions & trite rituals have something to symbolize. So, if the world’s on about love, wouldn’t you want those you love to know such goings-on reminded you of them?

Although I missed the day itself with this post, for reasons my previous post explains, I haven’t missed its celebration. Ironically, I don’t have a history of such celebration; neither my hunny nor I are very saccharine but we can be sentimental. Thus, between lacking finances & plain old forgetfulness, we’ve often done no more than raise cappuccinos in a toast to our love. Said toast tends to focus on how thankful we are to have each other thus the willingness to use any excuse to ensure we both remember that & always feel it. However, my thoughts on Valentine’s Day more readily go to other kinds of love. I can’t help but think of my mum since she taught me unconditional love & one of my best friends, Elizabeth, always has my heart on the day itself.

2 cappuccinos of LOVE

Those are just two examples but perfect ones as I strongly believe in multiple Valentines of every kind. Now that a nuclear family is a rarity & whatever form our family takes usually covers many a mile, do we honestly still proclaim our love across those miles as much as we’d like? We’re more likely to communicate such feelings to those friends who’ve become like family. Whether or not friends & family have significant others, they deserve to know how significant they are to us. I’ll own the fact that I can’t speak directly to the oft-used description, Singles Awareness Day, having been with my hunny for nearly 19 years now & not caring that I was single when I was. Loneliness neither stems from nor is limited to singleness thus that’s a funny but S.A.D. misnomer.

I, too, have been hurt by the overt coupling, not to mention romancing, of this holiday even as half of a loving couple. A little envy lets us know what our desires are & it’s up to us to be open to them. If the odiously loving displays sicken you but still serve to make you aware that you’d enjoy someone by your side who’s sickened too then may the mocking begin. Only by already being ourselves, loving ourselves & actively loving others will we have anything to offer that future repartee. On the other hand, if you’re already exchanging witticisms but are still sickened, create your own displays of affection & style of romance. Finally, if it all appeals to you & you’re anxiously awaiting your turn, focus on all the love that’s already in your life so that you never lose hope.

I mentioned our impending celebration.. My own special Valentine this year was a wee cat with a HUGE presence & our devastating loss of him is but most of the reason we have yet to celebrate. RhodesTer works Thursday evenings & his weekends don’t begin til those dictated by the calendar are ending. I have a sneaking suspicion this ‘weekend’ may find us belatedly participating in the hoopla. Amidst the continued mourning of our little boy, the love shared for him has manifested as expressions of love for each other. The loss of any loved one is bound to leave you more sensitized to the sheer need to love. With Tazzy as our mutual Valentine this year, my hunny & I will be taking the appreciation of every bit of love present in our lives more seriously henceforth.

Taz proved that valor comes in all sizes; it’s that brave determination to love actively that changes lives. Moments &/or holidays that are seemingly insignificant need not be so. As in the case of Valentine’s Day, I’m done being scared off by all the pink & am ready to trade in borrowed sentimentality for personalized sentiment. I’m hoping we can all avail ourselves of the chance to be declarative of the love we’ve each been blessed by. Let’s be brave, face the frightening frills down & triumphantly make someone we love feel more loved in turn. By claiming this outwardly silly holiday for all types of love, perhaps we can finally level its playing field. Toward that goal — of recognizing, appreciating & celebrating all love — may we each find feelings worthy of acting on belatedly, continually or next year.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“True valor lies between cowardice and rashness.”
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

{ 6 comments }

I need to be kneaded =^@.@^=

by coffeesister · 12 comments

in Those I LOVE

Our minds can’t help but fashion means by which our loved ones could have survived but the heart-wrenching truth is that’s seldom an option. I respect that to everything, & everyone, there is a season. Although I greatly miss many of the people who’ve moved on from their place in my life, the underlying comfort is that they had their own lives to be about & others to impact in turn. That understanding doesn’t keep those voids from aching thus it’s no wonder the void left by death is a gaping, bottomless, painful obliteration of who we so recently were. We are changed each time another soul touches ours & transformed when our soul is permeated by another. When such a soul leaves this world, nothing is left unaffected.

Taz transcended his fundamental role in life, just as with certain non-fur-people we meet; now & again there’s someone who impacts us to such an extent we can’t help but be baffled as to how we survived without them. His existence proved moment to moment that surviving is all I was doing for, with him, I was thriving — in circumstances that should have made it impossible, no less — & now he’s gone. I’m left incomplete, back in survival-mode, with every moment now vacant. He took such care of us that we did learn important lessons from him but don’t have the same ability to follow through on them. Try as he might, Rhodester can only do so much in the wake of such noble pawprints. He’s certainly no good at keeping me company while he’s at work &, even when home, just doesn’t fit on my lap. My silly hunny keeps hoping Tazzy’s sister, Shadow, will pick up some of the slack but Taz took care of her too & she’s always had a very different purrsonality than his.

In both siblings, we found magnificent cats with exceptionally loving souls that completed our family per — okay, yes — purrfectly. So ideal was the fit & strong the connection that their rescue even made some strange sense of the loss suffered three years ago which led to needing them as much as they needed us. My short-haired black son, the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees, died due to natural causes at the age of ten. Having lost the best puppy EVER, Ian MacRhodes, the previous year to a congenital heart defect at just five, my mourning was doubled & I was lost. Taz picked up where they both left off though for he proved to be a puppy-cat. Great at traveling, with impeccable door-watching/human-welcoming skills, he also put archaic commands like “speak” to shame for he was quite the conversationalist. Tazzy not only acknowledged his name, as does Shadow (dear, sweet, cat only soul that she is), but he responded; he always answered, with complementary tail-wagging to back it up. One of the magnets on our fridge reminds, “There is no such thing as a cat owner,” which Shadow a little too proudly proves. Taz, of course, was no more owned than any cat would or could be but what he established with us was a partnership.

Tazzy’s was a precocious presence.. He kept a watchful eye on all three of us, shared his time equally among us & made each of us feel like the center of his world. Always offering companionship, ready for a conversation & up for anything; no dull, sad or lonely moments could persist with him around. Incredibly intuitive, he was not only an active participant in each of our lives but also offered seized joys for us to participate in. Whereas many a fur-person looks at you as if you’re insane, & oft rightly so, every look from Taz was an understanding gaze or contemplative glance. If you haven’t had the opportunity to experience unconditional love, much less an unspoken knowing, it’s easy to doubt just how much a fur-person can offer. Even if you’ve been smart enough to let pets into your life but either haven’t shared your life in exchange or had the good fortune to encounter a small soul of such depth, it may seem I’m exaggerating. If only I were!

Like the loyalty dogs & puppy-cats exemplify, there’s already much to be learned from cats as they live bravely, freely & without pretense. The wisdom readily displayed by our pets/kids can’t help but inspire us if we’re paying attention; thankfully Taz kept our full attention for he had even more to teach than the average feline. His spectrum of appreciation knew no limits, practicing a purposeful enjoyment of ALL he encountered. He communicated his needs only after meeting yours & had begging down to a science but was never disappointed if not fruitful or, more specifically, tunaful. Making it clear there was no harm — or shame — in asking, he never forgot an outcome but gladly moved on when not successful. Tazzy had always struggled with his health (with symptoms much like mine, in fact) yet gave more than he got, was never diminished by it & rallied with the slightest stimulus. Even during the struggles of his final weekend, he was still showing Rhodester that it’s the simple elements of care that make the greatest impact on health.

Quite the torch has been passed along, to both of his humans; Taz balanced care given & taken, accomplishing them simultaneously. Genuine caring is symbiotic, as was my relationship with him: I’d taken to referencing the symbiosis we had by all-too-accurately calling him “my sanity” &, again, if only I were overstating. Balancing “madness put to good use” with being certifiable is tenuous enough so I find myself not only broken but fragile without my Tazzy. Yet, despite our shortcomings or perhaps because of them, he’s entrusted Rhodester, Shadow & I to each other’s care with a standard of unwavering interaction. As much as I’d like to rail against him being lent to me for this damnably short time, given a choice of him temporarily versus ANYone else longer, I’d choose our scant three years together without the slightest hesitation. Alas, the void left by Tazzy Puppy-cat Rhodes is unfillable thus I’ll have to be careful what attempts to take residency; ensuring I honor his latent energy with equally positive influences. A terribly tall order that I’m bound to benefit from; no doubt all part of the plan.

(|_|*to TAZ*|_|)
“Of all domestic animals, the cat is the most expressive. His face is capable of showing a wide range of expressions. His tail is a mirror of his mind. His gracefulness is surpassed only by his agility. And, along with all these,
he has a sense of humor.”
~ Walter Chandoha ~

{ 12 comments }

New Years m(_ _)m

by coffeesister · 7 comments

in Holi-DAZE,Those I LOVE

Thanx for your participation – period - but especially in helping to celebrate new years in the lives of two of my absolutely favorite people. I’m not one who minds telling her age for I feel each year is an accomplishment & every birthday a beginning. Age has never proven an accurate telling of anything other than how long someone’s managed to survive thus far. So, I stubbornly hope that my grandparents being well into their 80s does NOT mean I’m close to losing them & proudly proclaim my own 39 years. Admittedly, it doesn’t hurt that I don’t look 39 & never cease to shock people when I admit that I am; as much for the admittance too, I’m sure, which is half the fun.

The refusal to look our age is a trait, oddly enough, shared by my ENTIRE inner circle. What makes it odd is that we’re not all related although some of us are &, judging by my mum’s parents, none of us will look or act our so-called age for decades more. Taking your age seriously is just as detrimental as taking yourself too seriously & as debilitating as heeding the preconceptions of anything else purely physical. It’s important to extrapolate from the smaller, more readily obvious truths those greater truths that too often get dismissed simply because they’re unexpected. There’s no end to what cannot be told by how someone looks, regardless of what we see.

In order to see beyond our perceptions, we have to watch for what we’re shown. Aside from the apparent access to a fountain of youth, which I presume to be the healthy lust for caffeine we also share, that inner circle of mine is defined by an abiding passion: a driving force to be our true selves. This small subset of the people who know me best are the ones who know me ridiculously well, accept me for exactly who I am & whole-heartedly desire to relate to everyone they meet on that same level. The ability to accept others without hesitation or misconception grows as you come to terms with all that you are & want to be. Real truth is not always pretty & certainly never easy.

While those who are literally my nearest & dearest all share a determination to be whole, it’s Jordan who has redefined the journey for us. Wholeness is found not only in truth to self but of self. He was willing to challenge ALL the suppositions & change EVERYthing he seemingly was. Not a thing was sacred in his process & we who already loved him watched in awe as his essence came into focus. As he radically became a new being, the person within that had long been who held our admiration came to the fore. Even now, upon starting a new year biologically & as the real New Year begins, for today is the Chinese New Year, he’s made his continued evolution the priority.

The lies my body’s telling pale in comparison to the ones he’s had to overcome which is why he inspired the post I wrote for his birthday. Inasmuch as he is an inspiration, the result came nowhere near expressing its impetus. Between it not being my place to divulge too much of someone else’s journey & the simple fact that his bravery is an ongoing encouragement, my effort to write about him evolved in & of itself; into an essay born of what he proves is possible. It’s my hope to share truths along the way but my brother is truth. He has embodied it, becoming a prism off which the myriad lessons we all have to look beyond the mirror to learn can’t help but be reflected.

Such illumination is transcendent, highlighting the changed perspectives that must come before real change can occur. 2008 being a Year of the Rat, a new 12 year cycle of the Chinese Zodiac begins & decisions made during this year are purported to carry long term consequences. This is meant to be a prosperous year, giving the traditional Chinese wishes of prosperity offered at the new year more significance. There’s almost a sense that the promise we’re poised for is reciprocally poised for us. If, like my brother, groundwork has been laid & it’s a foundation of honesty you’re prepared to build on then build unabashedly; taking another cue from him: perseverance.

Neither our mum, Jordan nor I are rats but our younger brother is.. Though Momma’s a rabbit, we older sibs are monkeys & it seems “the monkey who has worked hard will see many rewards in the year of the rat.” My brother has worked tirelessly to change his stars & the stage is set for the person he’s always been but is still becoming to take center. I don’t know what I’ve managed to convey of such a personal journey but Jordan exemplifies that we are our most important cause. External & internal changes not only impact each other but each is incomplete without the other. I encourage us all to seek our specific spotlight for this act in our lives. Perhaps Joel’s rattiness combined with Jordan’s abundant good mojo is an all-encompassing good luck charm.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“To attract good fortune, spend a new coin on an old friend, share an old pleasure with a new friend, and lift up the heart of a true friend by writing his name on the wings of a dragon.”
~ Chinese Proverb ~

{ 7 comments }

We are what we’re NOT

1 February 2008 A bit TMI

The body’s misleading. It looks like us, is recognized as us & certainly embodies us. Yet, we’re short-changing ourselves if we overanalyze what we see in the mirror. While we need to make peace with that reflection, no matter how good or bad we perceive it to be, we also need to look beyond it. [...]

8 comments Grab a mug & keep reading..