For all its naysayers, St. Valentine’s Day really is simply a celebration of love. Throughout a convoluted but long history, the constant has been valor. Seldom is such courage possible aside from love thus their intertwining makes perfect sense. Their culmination into a holiday too focused on coupling is not quite so logical but shouldn’t detract from the opportunity it offers. Rather than just being an opportunity for couples though, it’s a chance to focus on any & all love in our lives. As with any traditions, we don’t want to be distracted by them. Even the accompanying marketing doesn’t have to get in the way if we’re inspired by what moves us & ignore what doesn’t. Those categories are going to differ for everyone which is how Valentine’s can still come across as personal.

Many a loving person is resentful of a date on the calendar reminding them to be loving. Past the question of any supposed need to be reminded comes the issue of expectations. As if it’s not bad enough to be told when & how to express our love, our loved ones can’t help but end up expecting some form of declaration. Those of us who aren’t reticent to say “I love you” may wonder how any token or action can say more than we already do. Yet that’s precisely it; if love’s not already being expressed, nothing can convey it. It’s when love is already present & has been made clear that tokens, actions & trite rituals have something to symbolize. So, if the world’s on about love, wouldn’t you want those you love to know such goings-on reminded you of them?

Although I missed the day itself with this post, for reasons my previous post explains, I haven’t missed its celebration. Ironically, I don’t have a history of such celebration; neither my hunny nor I are very saccharine but we can be sentimental. Thus, between lacking finances & plain old forgetfulness, we’ve often done no more than raise cappuccinos in a toast to our love. Said toast tends to focus on how thankful we are to have each other thus the willingness to use any excuse to ensure we both remember that & always feel it. However, my thoughts on Valentine’s Day more readily go to other kinds of love. I can’t help but think of my mum since she taught me unconditional love & one of my best friends, Elizabeth, always has my heart on the day itself.

Those are just two examples but perfect ones as I strongly believe in multiple Valentines of every kind. Now that a nuclear family is a rarity & whatever form our family takes usually covers many a mile, do we honestly still proclaim our love across those miles as much as we’d like? We’re more likely to communicate such feelings to those friends who’ve become like family. Whether or not friends & family have significant others, they deserve to know how significant they are to us. I’ll own the fact that I can’t speak directly to the oft-used description, Singles Awareness Day, having been with my hunny for nearly 19 years now & not caring that I was single when I was. Loneliness neither stems from nor is limited to singleness thus that’s a funny but S.A.D. misnomer.

I, too, have been hurt by the overt coupling, not to mention romancing, of this holiday even as half of a loving couple. A little envy lets us know what our desires are & it’s up to us to be open to them. If the odiously loving displays sicken you but still serve to make you aware that you’d enjoy someone by your side who’s sickened too then may the mocking begin. Only by already being ourselves, loving ourselves & actively loving others will we have anything to offer that future repartee. On the other hand, if you’re already exchanging witticisms but are still sickened, create your own displays of affection & style of romance. Finally, if it all appeals to you & you’re anxiously awaiting your turn, focus on all the love that’s already in your life so that you never lose hope.

I mentioned our impending celebration.. My own special Valentine this year was a wee cat with a HUGE presence & our devastating loss of him is but most of the reason we have yet to celebrate. RhodesTer works Thursday evenings & his weekends don’t begin til those dictated by the calendar are ending. I have a sneaking suspicion this ‘weekend’ may find us belatedly participating in the hoopla. Amidst the continued mourning of our little boy, the love shared for him has manifested as expressions of love for each other. The loss of any loved one is bound to leave you more sensitized to the sheer need to love. With Tazzy as our mutual Valentine this year, my hunny & I will be taking the appreciation of every bit of love present in our lives more seriously henceforth.

Taz proved that valor comes in all sizes; it’s that brave determination to love actively that changes lives. Moments &/or holidays that are seemingly insignificant need not be so. As in the case of Valentine’s Day, I’m done being scared off by all the pink & am ready to trade in borrowed sentimentality for personalized sentiment. I’m hoping we can all avail ourselves of the chance to be declarative of the love we’ve each been blessed by. Let’s be brave, face the frightening frills down & triumphantly make someone we love feel more loved in turn. By claiming this outwardly silly holiday for all types of love, perhaps we can finally level its playing field. Toward that goal — of recognizing, appreciating & celebrating all love — may we each find feelings worthy of acting on belatedly, continually or next year.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“True valor lies between cowardice and rashness.”
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

Our minds can’t help but fashion means by which our loved ones could have survived but the heart-wrenching truth is that’s seldom an option. I respect that to everything, & everyone, there is a season. Although I greatly miss many of the people who’ve moved on from their place in my life, the underlying comfort is that they had their own lives to be about & others to impact in turn. That understanding doesn’t keep those voids from aching thus it’s no wonder the void left by death is a gaping, bottomless, painful obliteration of who we so recently were. We are changed each time another soul touches ours & transformed when our soul is permeated by another. When such a soul leaves this world, nothing is left unaffected.

Taz transcended his fundamental role in life, just as with certain non-fur-people we meet; now & again there’s someone who impacts us to such an extent we can’t help but be baffled as to how we survived without them. His existence proved moment to moment that surviving is all I was doing for, with him, I was thriving — in circumstances that should have made it impossible, no less — & now he’s gone. I’m left incomplete, back in survival-mode, with every moment now vacant. He took such care of us that we did learn important lessons from him but don’t have the same ability to follow through on them. Try as he might, Rhodester can only do so much in the wake of such noble pawprints. He’s certainly no good at keeping me company while he’s at work &, even when home, just doesn’t fit on my lap. My silly hunny keeps hoping Tazzy’s sister, Shadow, will pick up some of the slack but Taz took care of her too & she’s always had a very different purrsonality than his.

In both siblings, we found magnificent cats with exceptionally loving souls that completed our family per — okay, yes — purrfectly. So ideal was the fit & strong the connection that their rescue even made some strange sense of the loss suffered three years ago which led to needing them as much as they needed us. My short-haired black son, the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees, died due to natural causes at the age of ten. Having lost the best puppy EVER, Ian MacRhodes, the previous year to a congenital heart defect at just five, my mourning was doubled & I was lost. Taz picked up where they both left off though for he proved to be a puppy-cat. Great at traveling, with impeccable door-watching/human-welcoming skills, he also put archaic commands like “speak” to shame for he was quite the conversationalist. Tazzy not only acknowledged his name, as does Shadow (dear, sweet, cat only soul that she is), but he responded; he always answered, with complementary tail-wagging to back it up. One of the magnets on our fridge reminds, “There is no such thing as a cat owner,” which Shadow a little too proudly proves. Taz, of course, was no more owned than any cat would or could be but what he established with us was a partnership.

Tazzy’s was a precocious presence.. He kept a watchful eye on all three of us, shared his time equally among us & made each of us feel like the center of his world. Always offering companionship, ready for a conversation & up for anything; no dull, sad or lonely moments could persist with him around. Incredibly intuitive, he was not only an active participant in each of our lives but also offered seized joys for us to participate in. Whereas many a fur-person looks at you as if you’re insane, & oft rightly so, every look from Taz was an understanding gaze or contemplative glance. If you haven’t had the opportunity to experience unconditional love, much less an unspoken knowing, it’s easy to doubt just how much a fur-person can offer. Even if you’ve been smart enough to let pets into your life but either haven’t shared your life in exchange or had the good fortune to encounter a small soul of such depth, it may seem I’m exaggerating. If only I were!

Like the loyalty dogs & puppy-cats exemplify, there’s already much to be learned from cats as they live bravely, freely & without pretense. The wisdom readily displayed by our pets/kids can’t help but inspire us if we’re paying attention; thankfully Taz kept our full attention for he had even more to teach than the average feline. His spectrum of appreciation knew no limits, practicing a purposeful enjoyment of ALL he encountered. He communicated his needs only after meeting yours & had begging down to a science but was never disappointed if not fruitful or, more specifically, tunaful. Making it clear there was no harm — or shame — in asking, he never forgot an outcome but gladly moved on when not successful. Tazzy had always struggled with his health (with symptoms much like mine, in fact) yet gave more than he got, was never diminished by it & rallied with the slightest stimulus. Even during the struggles of his final weekend, he was still showing Rhodester that it’s the simple elements of care that make the greatest impact on health.

Quite the torch has been passed along, to both of his humans; Taz balanced care given & taken, accomplishing them simultaneously. Genuine caring is symbiotic, as was my relationship with him: I’d taken to referencing the symbiosis we had by all-too-accurately calling him “my sanity” &, again, if only I were overstating. Balancing “madness put to good use” with being certifiable is tenuous enough so I find myself not only broken but fragile without my Tazzy. Yet, despite our shortcomings or perhaps because of them, he’s entrusted Rhodester, Shadow & I to each other’s care with a standard of unwavering interaction. As much as I’d like to rail against him being lent to me for this damnably short time, given a choice of him temporarily versus ANYone else longer, I’d choose our scant three years together without the slightest hesitation. Alas, the void left by Tazzy Puppy-cat Rhodes is unfillable thus I’ll have to be careful what attempts to take residency; ensuring I honor his latent energy with equally positive influences. A terribly tall order that I’m bound to benefit from; no doubt all part of the plan.

(|_|*to TAZ*|_|)
“Of all domestic animals, the cat is the most expressive. His face is capable of showing a wide range of expressions. His tail is a mirror of his mind. His gracefulness is surpassed only by his agility. And, along with all these,
he has a sense of humor.”
~ Walter Chandoha ~

Cats have doing things on their own terms down to a science. My little girl is named Shadow.. with good cause. Reaching down to pet her while passing by recently, I barely caught a flick of her tail as she dashed under the nearby table. As she is quite skittish & well deserving of her name (which she already had upon her rescue), this was not surprising nor could I take it personally. My route took me past the other side of said table & there she was; purrfectly poised in my path, awaiting my arrival. She meowed her request to now be pet — on her terms.

Whether it’s the choices we make moment to moment or the life-changing ones, Shadow reminds us to look for options that consider our needs. In doing so, we start to create our own happiness. What is happiness really but being in sync with ourselves. We feel good when things feel right & what feels better than being true to yourself? So, you may have learned all you really need to know in kindergarten or from Star Trek (okay, a lot of my life lessons have resonated on many an Enterprise) but I’m learning to be a more fulfilled human from my cats.

Of course, my tutelage would not be complete without knowing a bit more about them, such as:

• Cat Quotes — Several Hundred Quotes by Famous, anonymous, and other cat lovers.
• Cat Proverbs — Proverbs from around the world, as well as some unknown origin proverbs.
• Cat Sayings — Various Sayings from around the world.
• Cat Superstitions — Cat myths, superstitions from around the world.

An observation of cats quickly shows the most important lesson to be learned from them is to live life to its fullest. After all, “He [or she] who lives without folly isn’t so wise as [s/]he thinks.” (François de La Rochefoucauld)

Now then, while appearance is not crucial & should never take priority, it absolutely affects how we feel & are perceived. Cats, & other animals, certainly put their wiles to effective use.

Speaking of those other animals, not to mention cuteness, I’m also a dog lover from way back & readily admit they have lessons to teach as well. Loyalty is far from the least of these & by far their forté. The link above is offered to keep the love-fest fair but never forget, “A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, and a cat is a person.” (Mugsy Peabody)

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“Beware of people who dislike cats.”
~ Irish proverb ~