For all its naysayers, St. Valentine’s Day really is simply a celebration of love. Throughout a convoluted but long history, the constant has been valor. Seldom is such courage possible aside from love thus their intertwining makes perfect sense. Their culmination into a holiday too focused on coupling is not quite so logical but shouldn’t detract from the opportunity it offers. Rather than just being an opportunity for couples though, it’s a chance to focus on any & all love in our lives. As with any traditions, we don’t want to be distracted by them. Even the accompanying marketing doesn’t have to get in the way if we’re inspired by what moves us & ignore what doesn’t. Those categories are going to differ for everyone which is how Valentine’s can still come across as personal.
Many a loving person is resentful of a date on the calendar reminding them to be loving. Past the question of any supposed need to be reminded comes the issue of expectations. As if it’s not bad enough to be told when & how to express our love, our loved ones can’t help but end up expecting some form of declaration. Those of us who aren’t reticent to say “I love you” may wonder how any token or action can say more than we already do. Yet that’s precisely it; if love’s not already being expressed, nothing can convey it. It’s when love is already present & has been made clear that tokens, actions & trite rituals have something to symbolize. So, if the world’s on about love, wouldn’t you want those you love to know such goings-on reminded you of them?
Although I missed the day itself with this post, for reasons my previous post explains, I haven’t missed its celebration. Ironically, I don’t have a history of such celebration; neither my hunny nor I are very saccharine but we can be sentimental. Thus, between lacking finances & plain old forgetfulness, we’ve often done no more than raise cappuccinos in a toast to our love. Said toast tends to focus on how thankful we are to have each other thus the willingness to use any excuse to ensure we both remember that & always feel it. However, my thoughts on Valentine’s Day more readily go to other kinds of love. I can’t help but think of my mum since she taught me unconditional love & one of my best friends, Elizabeth, always has my heart on the day itself.
Those are just two examples but perfect ones as I strongly believe in multiple Valentines of every kind. Now that a nuclear family is a rarity & whatever form our family takes usually covers many a mile, do we honestly still proclaim our love across those miles as much as we’d like? We’re more likely to communicate such feelings to those friends who’ve become like family. Whether or not friends & family have significant others, they deserve to know how significant they are to us. I’ll own the fact that I can’t speak directly to the oft-used description, Singles Awareness Day, having been with my hunny for nearly 19 years now & not caring that I was single when I was. Loneliness neither stems from nor is limited to singleness thus that’s a funny but S.A.D. misnomer.
I, too, have been hurt by the overt coupling, not to mention romancing, of this holiday even as half of a loving couple. A little envy lets us know what our desires are & it’s up to us to be open to them. If the odiously loving displays sicken you but still serve to make you aware that you’d enjoy someone by your side who’s sickened too then may the mocking begin. Only by already being ourselves, loving ourselves & actively loving others will we have anything to offer that future repartee. On the other hand, if you’re already exchanging witticisms but are still sickened, create your own displays of affection & style of romance. Finally, if it all appeals to you & you’re anxiously awaiting your turn, focus on all the love that’s already in your life so that you never lose hope.
I mentioned our impending celebration.. My own special Valentine this year was a wee cat with a HUGE presence & our devastating loss of him is but most of the reason we have yet to celebrate. RhodesTer works Thursday evenings & his weekends don’t begin til those dictated by the calendar are ending. I have a sneaking suspicion this ‘weekend’ may find us belatedly participating in the hoopla. Amidst the continued mourning of our little boy, the love shared for him has manifested as expressions of love for each other. The loss of any loved one is bound to leave you more sensitized to the sheer need to love. With Tazzy as our mutual Valentine this year, my hunny & I will be taking the appreciation of every bit of love present in our lives more seriously henceforth.
Taz proved that valor comes in all sizes; it’s that brave determination to love actively that changes lives. Moments &/or holidays that are seemingly insignificant need not be so. As in the case of Valentine’s Day, I’m done being scared off by all the pink & am ready to trade in borrowed sentimentality for personalized sentiment. I’m hoping we can all avail ourselves of the chance to be declarative of the love we’ve each been blessed by. Let’s be brave, face the frightening frills down & triumphantly make someone we love feel more loved in turn. By claiming this outwardly silly holiday for all types of love, perhaps we can finally level its playing field. Toward that goal — of recognizing, appreciating & celebrating all love — may we each find feelings worthy of acting on belatedly, continually or next year.
(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“True valor lies between cowardice and rashness.”
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~
{ 6 comments }
