I left my <3..

I’m sharing a post from the past because this city — that has long been home to our hearts — is finally simply home to RhodesTer et moi, along with ShadowSillybutt & PaganPuppycat.
See the top of the first sidebar for more
&/or donate to our apartment fund via PayPal.

Identity is a wily thing. Often, the more people try to be different, the more alike they become. Worse yet, there are times when we forfeit who we are to keep our sense of self. How’s that for the ultimate irony? Just as with all journeys in life — including life itself — it’s a long & winding road. (cue Sheryl Crow) In our determination to not only be true to ourselves but discover that very truth, we have to be willing to take risks & be wrong. Moreover, find the courage to admit when we’re wrong, especially about ourselves.

Whether it’s a trench coat worn straight from Granddad’s closet until they started becoming popular or justified compromises, neither sentiment or yearning should be ignored. In fact, our logic needs to be informed by our feelings. Choices can only lead to happiness when made from desire. There is nothing more grounding than a decision entirely of your own accord. So firmly seated in this ride called life will you be that nothing can shake you. That is where self-confidence is born.

In a moment of clarity, wherein you are doing something because it is right for YOU, you will not only see yourself clearly but others too. It will no longer matter if you are not perceived as the unique individual you know yourself to be &, beautifully enough, such an epiphany will most likely lead to your uniqueness shining through. (cue Cyndi Lauper) Rather than recloseting a coat so as not to appear trendy, its continued use simply connected me to the most important man in my life. Without him, RhodesTer‘s similar soul wouldn’t have been recognized.

Herein lies the rub, it’s perception — even, if not especially, our own — that cannot be allowed to rule. That is the system, of which we are an inadvertent part, that we must buck to remain real. The desire to belong is potent but unnerving. How does one find acceptance via truth only to self? By first reveling in our parting of ways & disparate paths then gratefully embracing those that find their way back to the same places as we. San Francisco is such a place, especially in my immediate family.

Not only was I born near there but have since proven the impact of environment, even via the womb, for I became a neo-hippie far removed from my pre-birth days at Haight & Ashbury. Despite the influence you are no doubt assuming, my mother ended up quite removed from her hippie days as well. Before her removal though, during an uneasy time living just outside the City by the Bay, any chance to cross the bridge became a saving grace. In turn, while I was growing up stifled in central California, trips to that city of my heart (cue Tony Bennett) were my salvation. Later, RhodesTer & I created some of our best moments in good ol’ San Francisco.

Now, completely apart from our mum & I, my brother is at home in the very city I grew up thinking would be my home someday. Despite being outrageously different people & all three on astonishingly separate paths, we each found salvation across a bridge or two on a peninsula that defies description. San Francisco is hometown to none of us yet a home of sorts to each of us &, best of all, became an actual home to one. We all feel homesick away from her; she is mutually & independently our own. Thank you, Jordan Wynden Leigh for reuniting my heart with its city! May we always find each other & ourselves there..

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars
Climb halfway to the stars!”
~ Douglass Cross ~