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Insomnia as a way of life #_#


in A bit TMI

Sleep & I have a love-hate relationship. Setting aside your utter lack of surprise that a coffee addict is an insomniac, my mom has attested to insomnia being a lifelong companion of mine. Fortunately, as a late-night reader herself, she understood that reading was actually more restful than attempting to sleep. How do people do it? Lying there in the dark silence, with nary a thing to distract one’s brain from the chaos such an opportunity unleashes. There’s nothing so pointless as trying to sleep. Those who can fall asleep simply because they’re comfortable, there’s a modicum of peacefulness and it’s time must have more cooperative brains.

WIDE awake

There’s little I haven’t tried in order to give my poor, weary body its due & induce my brain to step down overnight. As for the infamous sheep-counting, I did get tired.. of counting. What were the old wives with their tales thinking? Who in their right mind would suggest a creative exercise for a brain that won’t quiet; don’t give it something to latch onto. I even learned to write in the dark as a child, imagining that writing thoughts down might successfully save them for later. Instead, I wrote many a barely decipherable poem. Once I could simply sneak out most nights, sleep & I parted ways.

Now then, health & I were never on good terms either. I’d been on the outs with sleep for a good decade by the time it joined forces with health & they’d clearly had enough of my willfulness. Together, they kept me bedridden & it was a brilliant ploy for I was forced to seek them out. Raising the white flag after numerous negotiations, I endured a bizarre experience as health slowly but surely made itself at home. My thought processes would slow, motor control became iffy & I felt downright woozy; turns out I was tired! Much like my renegotiations with alcohol the first time it had any effect beyond pain relief, I found myself rethinking my pursuit of sleep — oft having no choice.

This truce had lead to a healthy (literally) appreciation for sleep, understanding that it & health are a package deal. Of course, the ability to feel sleepy is still a far cry from sleeping. It has held true that trying to sleep inevitably keeps me from it so I’ve long since opted for quality over quantity. After all, why should it be any different from other areas of my life? Therefore, I always have a good book and/or DVR recording standing by for the relaxation they afford keeps sleepiness & I on speaking terms. Our talks are not always effective, however, & we’re scarcely speaking anymore. I won’t deny my stubborn brain has its part to play in this falling out.

With my Grandma in hospital, our eviction imminent & the last month spent house-bound, my mind’s repeatedly racing to a deadlock. I’ve reached the point where physical exhaustion can no longer trick my mind into shutting down. Each day has been getting progressively longer; sleep not coming til later & later each morning, resulting in fewer & fewer hours of it. I cannot forgo both quantity & quality indefinitely unless I want to end up on the outs with health as well. Being but a pawn amidst my physiological goings-on, there’s no telling from where the next conspiracy will arise! My metabolism has become far less cooperative over the years..

“Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.”
~ Fran Lebowitz ~

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lorna 5 October 2007 at 7:24 am

Yikes! I’ve had my share of pacing in the night, and it’s led to a lot of falling asleep in the daytime—I apparently need both quantity and quality. Eviction imminent? I think I’m going to put a bunch of Tibetan prayer flags on my balcony.

My dear sister in coffee, I cannot express how touching each & every prayer flag is! May we both find less cause to pace or at least have the good sense to blog instead. Here’s to finding that perfect balance of both sleep & coffee, which also requires quantity and quality..

Dorian |_|) “If we could all hear one another’s prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burdens.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant


2 Bob 5 October 2007 at 7:26 am

I’ll “blog-in” briefly from the “other” blog and say you’re either:

a) worried
b) not [getting] enough exercise
c) don’t want to miss anything
d) have a messed up internal clock
e) drink too much coffee
f) all of the above
g) none of the above

How about a nightly massage from your significant to de-limber your timbers and induce a dream-state ? Also, can you read at night and not nod off ? I crash in about 5 minutes ……

Dear man, I hope you’ll “blog-in” regularly! No surprise, I’m sure, but choice ‘f’ is pretty damn accurate. However, coffee actually relaxes me! Sometimes reading does too, then there are the nights when I keep thinking I’ll stop at the end of the next chapter.

Mrs. RhodesTer |_|) “I like my coffee strong, not lethal!” ~ Col. Sherman Potter, “M*A*S*H”


3 Elizabeth 5 October 2007 at 10:56 am

Ummm Have ye tried listening to music? That’s what I do. But maybe ye have and I don’t know. Suggestions for music – classical. It soothes you to sleep. At least me. Beethoven, Mozart, Vivaldi. Renaissance. But as I say, that’s what works for me. What works for one….. Anyway Drink Deeply and Carpe Coffee. xoxoxo


4 coffeesister 5 October 2007 at 8:07 pm

My glorious girl! Alas, such music doesn’t interrupt the tho’t processes; in fact, it’s inspiring. Brilliant taste you have tho’. My dance w/sleep begins when I can be distracted from tho’ts, pain & things to be done long enough to get tired.

|_|) “You can’t possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven’s Seventh and go slow.” ~ Oscar Levant (explaining his way out of a speeding ticket)


5 Karen from Floriduh 5 October 2007 at 9:00 pm

I’m delighted, Dorian, that you’re back in ye olde blogosphere. I love your soulful postings and unique voice. Well, here’s to us, girl – you’re third blog, my soon-to-be first. Hey, race you to front page of Digg (whatever THAT is)! First one there sends the other one a fresh persimmon!


6 coffeesister 5 October 2007 at 10:38 pm

No more should life exist without internetting than its surfing should proceed without blogging, or at least the reading thereof.. Digg it? I look forward to welcoming you to this side of the fun!

1 c Persimmon pulp
2 c Flour
1 c Sugar
1 c Butter
1 tsp. Soda
1 Egg
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1/2 tsp. Clove
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg

Cream shortening and sugar.
Beat in egg and pulp.
Add dry ingredients.
Place on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes.


7 Leann 7 October 2007 at 2:14 pm

You and I have a lot in common, girl.


8 coffeesister 7 October 2007 at 11:50 pm

I would not be surprised, given my perusal of your blog archives.

|_|) “I believe in creation and evolution. I think they go hand in hand.” ~ Leann Carter


9 Drug treatment 19 May 2008 at 8:03 am

Let me give you some tips for a good sleep: first of all you should give up coffee because it contains caffeine and this is not gonna help, you should ask for professional help if you can’t do it yourself. Then set a regular time for going to bed in the night and waking up in the morning. You should follow this regular sleeping schedule. You should avoid your bedroom during the day, enter the bedroom only when you have to sleep. If you don’t fall asleep in 15-20 minutes, you should get out of the bedroom and start doing something else until you are sleepy again. These tips should work, you just need to practice a little bit.


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