From the category archives:

A bit TMI

Twitter asked me to “Share my story” & share I did. Of course, the story they wanted was why I use Twitter. Having recently answered how I use it on two different sites, the basis for my response was already written but I could have answered why with one word. I’d imagine most of the stories submitted will share that underlying reason yet with all the varied approaches found from blog to blog. Even those who seldom add to the ready flow of communication the internet makes possible are taking part in turning their share of monologues into dialogs.

The reason I blog is to communicate with a wide range of people & Twitter is by far the most natural extension of that. With the flexibility to follow only those of my choosing via Google Chat & an ongoing tweet stream awaiting me whenever I decide to take a dip, it fits my life & online habits even as they fluctuate from day to day. I’m always sure to find excellent advice, article/post recommendations, breaking news & — of course — a good balance of entertainment. Thus, my Twitter stream has replaced the “Digg’s Top Stories” feed I’d used for so long.

Through Twitter, I’ve had a blog post listed on ProBlogger, received a compliment from the founder of eBay & been provided an opportunity to communicate with people I’ve been following through other mediums for ages. Given who you choose to follow, it can be a mini-mentoring experience or simply an interesting influx of information (not to mention both ^_^). Like most Web 2.0 innovations, Twitter can be used in whatever way fits each user’s needs & the benefits are only starting to be realized.

|_|) “Communication–the human connection–is the key to personal and career success.” ~ Paul J. Meyer

PS: It doesn’t hurt that both my hunny & my cat are tweeting too. ~_^

While there are those blogging, & therefore being pseudo-social, with no other intention than making money; even they have to communicate something to have a lasting shot at profitability. There are also many entrepreneurs communicating so effectively that money proved the result. The difference between communicating to earn & earning from communicating is vast though. Gary Vaynerchuk puts it best with his encouragement to prioritize legacy over currency. It may seem ironic that I relate to that SO strongly since both appear equally lacking.

Without a clear path to either, goals still have to be made & intentions declared. My goal when it comes to blogging has always been communication which flows from the fact that I seek out opportunities to communicate in everything I do & everywhere I go. The result has been a full spectrum of observations; with all the extreme viewpoints, hard realities & reassuring wonder of the human condition as my guide. This acute awareness of all that we are, all we are capable of — good as well as bad — & all we can be to each other is ultimately why I blog.

I’ve been expressing myself online hither & thither for nearly 15 years but not til six months ago was I able to start this blog &, not until this one, was I able to maintain one. Determination & circumstance finally somewhat in sync, an ongoing effort became possible which is why it was time to leave free forums behind. Having established that I’m here simply in the hope of creating a dialog & that I’m no expert in anything, merely an observer of everything, leaves the question; “Why am I willing to pay for a presence online amidst continued poverty?”

The potential answers — Is it ego, am I insane or desperate for friends?! — are why my Twitter story prompted me to tell my blog story. Although I impart much of myself in every post, I’ve yet to actually introduce myself. *flashback to 8th-grade cheerleading* “Dorian,” “Yeah,” “Introduce yourself,” “YEAH,” “Introduce Yourself,” “RIGHT ON, my name is DORIAN!” (flashback dedicated to Tony Northrip whose merciless teasing is why I still remember the degrading chant) As this is an introduction, before you draw any conclusions, allow me to point out cheerleading was the only way to be excused from P.E.

Biographically speaking, in six months I turn 40 & I’m proud of my upcoming milestone. Ever young at heart, I can thoroughly enjoy an age with which my life experience is not so incongruous. My life journey thus far has been one of heath problems, money issues & the mandatory family dysfunction. It has, however, been punctuated by irrefutable hope, miraculous comebacks & unconditional love. I met Rhodester 19 years ago & a relationship of some longevity is training ground enough but I’d already run a bit of a gamut before meeting him. He caught up with me during our first few years of marriage.

I had father issues & had been raped [more than once], fortunately unrelated, was an alcoholic with other addictions as well, very related, a runaway that couldn’t stay away, for love of my mum, & a Unitarian who’d come to believe the Trinity while still questioning Religion. “May you live in interesting times” proved both my curse & my wish; I felt trapped in small-town, middle-class mediocrity & found my escape to be ‘thinking interesting thoughts’ instead. My vices have finally mellowed, even I seem to have along the way, yet not only am I still addicted to interesting thoughts but thinking them isn’t enough; they must be shared.

That’s where you come in. I want to listen & consider, as much as offer contemplation. It’s with the understanding that we have an inevitable impact in every moment of every day that I want even the simplest ones to count. From the difference we can make with a smile to the apathy we contribute to with inaction, our ripples are being felt. In seeking to create good ripples, it just makes sense that it’s equally good — if not better — to impact other ripples along the way. Thus, I seem to inexplicably be offering advice & you don’t really know me; why should you care what I have to say & who do I think I am anyway??

That’s just it, I don’t think I’m any different from any of you. I believe that what affects one of us effects us all, whether we’re aware of it or not, & that we all share shortcomings alongside infinite potential. I hated that word growing up as much because I’d heard it too many times as it coming off oxymoronic. It’s typically used in reference to someone else’s expectation, at worst, or a specific goal, at marginal best, but would be far more encouraging were it to be left appropriately open-ended. Never should we limit ourselves, nor should we forget the potential of unending possibilities & unexpected blessings we all offer each other.

LOL cat found via a tweet from Pete Cashmore of Mashable

While I feel I should promptly start pooping rainbows on that note, life experience & my personal dictate to doubt everything have always kept me a realist so my capacity for optimism is merely a balancing force. Part of my innate balance is an avid interest in almost everything which in no way qualifies me to have opinions about all of it but I do anyway. The next balancing force at work is that there’s little I haven’t come across thus I know there are no right or wrong answers. There is only truth & our individual experiences. So, I’m offering up my own varied thoughts in a way that hopefully makes sense & perhaps even helps, with the single goal of prompting more thought. Therefore, pour yourself another hot beverage & add to the brew..

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him
to find it in himself.”
~ Galileo Galilei ~

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Mind over matter ^_^

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in A bit TMI

Although not a subject I talk about as much as I could or perhaps even should, my health informs everything I do — or don’t — & all that I am. Of course, everyone’s health impacts them. An extreme physical malady has its obvious effects but is part of a spectrum that encompasses far more than can actually be seen. Good health, in turn, affects its lucky recipients for they have energies & abilities they can’t help but utilize. There are those who don’t take advantage of their potential healthfulness which is admittedly hard to see but even more common is the utter lack of recognition. When one’s health is good, it’s far too easy to take for granted. No-one’s to blame though for there’s little reason to ponder something that’s working properly.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

The reason I’m so philosophical about mine is that it’s neither very visible or well-defined. While I readily own the struggles with my health, the real struggle is not being owned by it. “By what exactly?” you may fairly ask. Ahh, but that would be too easy. A name would require a diagnosis process which would require medical care which would require insurance which would ultimately require a far different life than we’ve chosen. My refusal to be defined has proven as far-reaching as most decisions are. The resulting poverty wasn’t by choice, as we’re repeatedly accused, but the choices that might’ve kept us from it didn’t lead to lives we were willing to live. An awareness of the risk accompanied every decision but you’re never knowingly opting to struggle yet more.

My life is a study in which came first; the chicken or the egg &, the thing is, the egg IS the chicken. Does that create a vicious cycle? Hell yes! My health, or lack thereof, limits my options & my remaining options limit my health. It’s at this impasse in such discourse that many a well-intentioned ‘friend’ has pointed out RhodesTer should have picked up the slack. If only I were as self-sufficient as I oft try to be & didn’t need a care-giver; I could also more easily work. Whatever anyone else’s take is & despite my own reticence, I’m a full-time job. Far harder than dealing with my own limitations has been enduring the slings & arrows directed at my care-giving hunny from previously trusted sources. Ever practitioners of considering the source, we’re running out of people to trust.

As living proof that there’s more to every story than meets the eye, I’ve always known there’s more going on than ever immediately evident. I did not always realize what an extension of that reality I personally was. Only now, four decades in, am I beginning to recognize the extent to which we carry in us an imprint of all we may yet become. Just as any scientific theory is questioned because of what has yet to be discovered, even Asthma — much less autoimmune — wasn’t yet understood when I was growing up. What was then ascribed to “growing pains” & stress has proven to be, in my case anyway, chronic pain & migraines. Possibly the Roseola as a child & particularly what was presumed to be Mono during my attempt at college are part of a greater, ongoing issue.

Mubyou-Sokusai

“mu”=none “byou”=illness, disease
“soku”=breath, health “sai”=disaster, bad luck

“Mubyou” means what the kanji mean, to have no illness, & “Sokusai” means to be in exceptionally good health. Bringing these two words together, the idiom means not only to have no illness but to be in a healthy condition.

I’m not claiming to be blameless in the degeneration of my health. Opting to self-medicate throughout junior high & high school rather than consider that the pain prompting it might be indicative of an underlying problem most certainly didn’t help. That independent streak of mine precluded me from being willing to worry anyone even as I slowly but surely concluded such discomfort was not normal. I sobered up, rediscovering all my ills & aches, just in time to lose medical insurance upon turning 18. From the three jobs simultaneously held shortly thereafter to the three years spent at my last job, insurance has been either elusive or impractical. Those of you who can afford neither premiums nor deductibles also know spousal coverage, if offered, is prohibitively costly.

Life is a series of measured risks & we ideally risk only that which we’re willing to lose. The question of what’s being risked at each turn is precisely why so many follow expected paths & seldom seek change. On the one hand, my hunny & I are prime examples of how much can too easily be lost. Yet, we live without regret & have never lost ourselves. Truthfully, every day is a struggle to survive, on all fronts, but hope for a better future renews each time we do. Starting over as many times as we have, we’re seeking sustainable choices this time. Past paths may have provided for immediate needs but what we truly need is a slow, steady build toward real change. We can’t be discouraged by setbacks & must be careful not to compromise what we’ve already accomplished.

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~ Buddha

My health is a continual journey with small victories along the way & stepping stones made of every discovery. Amidst its ebb & flow, our lives have had to be sorted, for better or worse. Even now, as my body produces ever diminishing returns after so many years, those who’ve followed the fight remain surprised somehow. “Wasn’t the desert supposed to help!?” The reality check is how much worse I’d be if not here. All the assumptions are of being either well or simply not. No different than everything else in life, the shades of gray in between are innumerable. Strides that had finally been made toward the well side have unfortunately been undone but knowing there are some effective weapons is more than half the battle. Once I can use them in combination, I’ll really be fighting!

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around…. Throughout history, “tender loving care” has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.”
~ Larry Dossey ~

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We are what we’re NOT

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in A bit TMI

The body’s misleading. It looks like us, is recognized as us & certainly embodies us. Yet, we’re short-changing ourselves if we overanalyze what we see in the mirror. While we need to make peace with that reflection, no matter how good or bad we perceive it to be, we also need to look beyond it. Not only are we immensely affected by how we see ourselves, it affects how others see us.

As obvious as that statement seems, it’s literally up to us how we’re perceived; even physically. The age-old idea that we’re told of someone’s “good personality” as compensation for any lack in their appearance has a more valid application in that personality can present first. Point in case, I don’t technically have a beautiful smile (thanx to quite the overbite ) but, due to its sheer enthusiasm, it always leaves a positive impression.

Ensuring that our inner beings reach beyond our physicality is two-fold in its necessity. It’s both key to being seen for who we truly are & the means of not letting the physical dictate that truth. Neither the shape of one’s body nor the workings of it should be afforded undue consideration. Just as we must make peace with the totality of its immediate representation of us, we also need to challenge the parts that make up that whole.

By far the most important thing to realize is that our whole is made of far more than our physical realities. From illness to gender, no piece of the puzzle is in itself us or has meaning of its own. A single factoid cannot be afforded singular importance. The fact that I’m physiologically broken shouldn’t break me psychologically & doesn’t make me any more broken than the rest of you. We’re all broken & simply striving to make sense of the pieces.

The idea that we were made in God’s image may seem downright laughable & is certainly often confusing, regardless of one’s take on it. Here’s the thing; it’s not our physical form that emulates Him nor solely our soul.. He/She/the entity scarcely encompassed by but aptly named God is a trinity. So are we: body, mind & soul. Furthermore, the reason we keep striving for democracy is that we are one; our majority rules.

If we unduly focus on one or even two of these three things that together create us, we find ourselves out of balance & essentially unhappy. There is a vote constantly being taken &, due to the brokenness we all share in one form or another, our bodies typically have the odd vote out. It’s up to us to give our minds & souls votes that can be heard; ideally, in a unanimous voice. My body struggles to function so it can’t help but vote me ill yet I don’t have to be defined by that.

It is, however, what will be seen until or unless the other facets of me take the helm. I know, I know; puzzles, caucuses & now ships. Of course, we already know that we are vessels but it’s really just our bodies that are. Thus, if our bodies aren’t indicative of the whole story, we need to bring the truth forward. You should no more believe the lies born of focusing on physical traits as flaws (it’s all comparative, thus relative & subjective, anyhow) than you should settle for the story your body’s telling.

Whether change is needed environmentally or physically, can be aided by breathing or hormones, is one of perception or projection; find the incongruity & – outwardly, inwardly or both – be exactly who you are. Don’t worry about who others think you are or perhaps expect you to be as that’s merely a perception of them & ultimately they’re going to follow your cues. When we’re whole, literally at one with ourselves, it’s our minds & souls that lead the charge.

Using myself as my own best example again; neither my body nor mind work as they should or could. Yet, for all their failings, my soul soars. I’m not sure my body should work well per se though I’m still aiming for basic functionality. Along the same lines, my mind’s limitations are due to damage to my brain rather than my intellect. Just as with our senses, what’s weakened gives way to the strengthening of an equal &/or opposite force.

All that we are is all that we’re seemingly not. Our whole is not only greater than its parts but is part & parcel of what’s unseen. That whom we are meant to be is found beyond the visible & manifests visibly when we are whole.

|_|) “You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” ~ C. S. Lewis

PS: This is lovingly dedicated to my brother as it’s his birthday & he’s an exemplar of evolving wholeness; HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JORDAN!!!