Whatever it is, don’t let it.. not completely anyway. We all have things we’re putting off & issues that are holding us back. The damn dirty deal of it all is that we don’t always have a choice. Now, don’t get me wrong; we always have a choice but sometimes all we can choose is our attitude. The simple truth is that we can’t do anything & everything we want, much less when we want to but we sure as Hell can do what we can do. That may seem oversimplified but too often we’re so caught up in what we can’t do that we neglect to do what we can. Rather than focus on what’s not done (poor, unfinished blog posts), we have an opportunity every day — any given moment — to act. Our actions need not be big, just purposefully taken.

Let’s take action together as I explore my somedays along with my invisible illnesses. The reason I blog is to share my experiences, that others may learn from them too, & the reason I don’t blog as often as I’d like is my wonky health. I’ve borrowed an interview of me by Alex Fayle from his fantastic site, Someday Syndrome, as it addresses what’s in MY way & I’m sharing it here — now — because today is the beginning of National Invisible Illness Awareness Week. The recent push for Health Care Reform has prompted me to share more about my own health so I will be posting yet more this week but hope my answers below reach you in a way that impacts your own perspective & perhaps even the healthcare debate.

1. Describe who you are, how you live and what you do in one sentence. (e.g. Alex is a former procrastinator who uses his visionary ability to uncover hidden patterns and help people break the procrastination obstacle so they can finally find freedom and start living the life they desire.)

   Dorian aka coffeesister is coffee for the soul; brewing up help, health & happiness from a simple, stimulating & sustainable life while offering life lessons, potential perspectives & empathetic encouragement to all takers for that’s why we’re here: we’ve all been lent to each other.

2. Name one moment in your life when you threw a pity party for yourself and the reasons why you felt you weren’t able to achieve your goals. Were you feeling stuck? Had you felt you failed? What wasn’t working in your life?

   I’ve had chronic pain, in one form or another, throughout my life but that didn’t prepare me for being bed-ridden by my late-20s. I’d gallantly pushed on despite migraines, chronic daily headaches, tendinitis, mild scoliosis & asthma for over a quarter of a century — even keeping a job through what was presumably mono, despite having to drop out of college. Then.. No amount of willpower nor sense of urgency nor the strongest determination could make up for the fact that I was debilitatingly weak, constantly tired, painfully sore & cognitively spent.

   We (fortunately, I wasn’t alone; thank you, Dave) were building our first home, finally working in theatre & newly living near my family (another God-send) yet I felt like I was alternately missing out or ruining it. Although I’d always had bad bouts with my so-called health, none of the tricks I’d learned over the years were working. Employing everything I knew about sleep, diet & exercise simply gave me bouts of functionality. My world had turned around & I was left with a new reality in which I not only had few enough good days but fewer answers.

   Being starving artist types who live paycheck to paycheck, insurance had just never been an affordable option so my doctor could do little more than guess once what tests we could afford offered no answers. With symptoms like tiredness, grogginess & confusion as well as nothing but the likes of “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” to point to for an eventual diagnosis, I was treated by most people as if I had a psychological disorder instead of a physical one. That’s when the party really got going because I too began to wonder.

3. Even our lowest moments fulfill a need in us or express our desires. When you threw yourself that pity party, what did you hope to gain? What need did you fulfill?

   My life hadn’t been particularly easy so, for a time, I took a much needed break. You know, the ol’ “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” routine. The more rest I got, the more bouts of functionality came my way & that Dave-person even managed to get me my own computer so things weren’t bad per se if still not forming a life anything like I’d ever envisioned or known. As I shared recently on Twitter; surprisingly enough, being horizontal does get tiresome.

   Dave & I believe that it’s important to be content in your life, regardless of circumstances, but just as important to not be satisfied. Thankfully, I wasn’t. I do love to think & it may have become increasingly challenging to do so but I’d certainly had plenty of time to do so anyway. The computer was used for research as my doctor had pointed me in the likely directions — speaking of which, Fibromyalgia Awareness Day was just last week — & the conclusions eventually started adding up.

   When life stops us dead (or at least forces us to play dead), there’s a reason. When there’s no discernible cause for the hiatus from life as we know it, there’s a damn good reason. Not only did I need to reassess my current situation, it was high time I found the throughline for my nearly 30 years. I recognized I was still very young, despite feeling very old, & had always been wise for my years so I’d equally not felt the need for in-depth retrospection & long since known myself quite well. Looking at my own life with a fresh perspective was a challenge & a gift.

4. Tell us what you did to break up the pity party. What actions did you decide to take? Did someone help you buoy your spirits? Push you along?

   I’m still working toward more thriving than surviving but it’s crucial not to miss out on life along the way. No matter what you’re going through, your psyche’s still capable of laughter, your heart still responds to beauty & your soul still needs to be fed. I continued Stage Managing intermittently despite ending up in a practically comatose state after each show, teaching myself how to use this new body & mind in the process. That also allowed me to work with teens which was my first vocation. Staying connected to my passions kept me sane & combining them kept me going for the teen volunteers were learning what I did (but no longer could do on my own).

   Feeling somewhat like myself again, it was time to fill in the blanks. Both the figurative ones, such as what I had been doing to my health all these years, & the literal ones, like a malfunctioning brain, had to be addressed. Everything we experience is a collision of perspective & circumstance so fundamental change, especially to the point of restoring health, relies on understanding how each came about. I asked the people who knew me best (w/mug raised to that Hunny o’mine & me mum) comparative questions about my symptoms, frame of mind & any other differences they’d noticed past to present. I kept a “brain book” — like a journal but far less interesting — to track my thoughts since my gray matter was no longer reliable. I used the scientific method to ascertain what caused which & which worsened when. It doesn’t matter what’s not working or how you may break, the human spirit can dominate but it will triumph if you do more than mend the cracks; rebuild (we have the technology).

5. Can you look back on that moment and tell us how you felt when you did decide to take action? What results came about from your decision to take charge and move on?

   Empowered. I tell you what; did I mention empowered? All the best things in life are active. Just as you can’t steer an anchored ship, you can’t create change until you make changes. Sure, some of them will be wrong.. YAY you! Mistakes mean you took a risk, you tried. We can’t learn without mistakes. A societal majority has misrepresented success. Success is NOT not failing, has nothing to do with what you do, even less to do with what you own & everything to do with who you are. The key to discovering who I was, as it is with all of us, was to discover my mistakes. It wasn’t that I blamed myself but that I knew I’d missed something because, when I hadn’t taken action, my body had been forced to. However healthy you may be, heed your body’s messages. It knows what it needs.

   I was so used to pain it didn’t occur to me as I was growing up that it wasn’t normal. We really do acclimate to whatever we don’t know isn’t typical. In turn, we don’t know what it is that’s atypical so we don’t talk about it. Other, equally damaging things in my life have also fit that pattern. I came to realize that I hadn’t just been in denial when it came to my health but was in denial about being in denial. Upon figuring out that constant pain wasn’t a common phenomenon, once I quit self-medicating with alcohol in my teen years, I was no longer covered by parental insurance. When I couldn’t conveniently avoid the pain & play at normalcy that way, I assumed instead that my pain was just worse than most people’s. Rather than face that there were indeed people without any, thus recognizing pain as a problem, I allowed myself to believe it was only severe pain that was considered a warning sign & downplayed my own.

   I’d been downplaying quite the collection of symptoms over the years. It had become habit so as not to worry others & I’d lost track, no longer noticing the progression. We can give ourselves no better gift than to take stock periodically. If all’s well &/or we’re comparatively improved, we feel appropriately grateful whereas, if the comparison doesn’t hold up, we can take appropriate action. In order to function from day to day, it can be important not to keep a constant watch on the big picture lest we get overwhelmed. Be sure to install multi-paned glass in the picture window of your life so you can focus on each pain pane as needed then be sure to step back now & again for that telling big picture. At nearly 30, I finally stepped all the way back for the first time & discovered not just a slew of random symptoms but a myriad of related symptoms all pointing to one thing: autoimmune dysfunction. It wasn’t a specific answer but it was the key to fighting back.

6. Everyone has a Someday problem hiding deep inside, even little ones. What variety of the Someday Syndrome do you currently harbor? What would you like to achieve but haven’t yet?

   “I’ll do that (insert someday here) when I feel better.” The sad fact is that I very often must wait til I’m feeling better which is precisely what makes this Somedayness so insidious. Anything we need to legitimately consider in our daily lives can all too easily become more habit than prudent. When money’s especially tight, we become wary of spending it. My energy is like a constantly devalued currency in an unstable economy. Its value will plummet without warning &, the next thing I know, the simplest task had far too great a cost. It’s human nature to steer clear of actions that have negative consequences; the more difficult something is, the more reticent we become. When it’s not only difficult but likely means you won’t be able to do anything else for a time, that reticence becomes procrastination.

   I’ve always been an expert procrastinator. My saving grace being that I use my procrastination skills to stay open to unexpected opportunities; ready, able & willing to set everything aside as priorities change from day to day. Ultimately, this is simply mindful living — letting the moments take me where I’m most needed. However, with so little energy currency to spend at any given time & the added taxation on any action of additional pain, staying ready can become standing (or lying) still. Limiting our expenditures can turn into a pattern of not spending at all. “Better safe than sorry” has its place & one of the mantras I live by is “when in doubt, don’t” but, when it’s fear masquerading as doubt, then it’s time to do, damn it, DO!

7. Examining your Someday Syndrome problem, what are you currently doing to resolve it and eliminate it from your life?

   Ever trade one obsession in for another? Quit a bad habit by replacing it? Stop making yourself sicker day after day by being afraid to do anything? ur doin it wrong! Going from one extreme to another leaves out a world of possibilities. Fear loves to parade around inside our heads all dressed up as doubt. Good ol’ doubt; so wise, so sane, just there to help. Fear, when legitimate, doesn’t hesitate; it knows it’s justified & rears its scary head. Thank God. It’s the reason we don’t typically open the door the killer’s lurking behind in real life. When fear’s feeling over-protective not to mention a bit controlling, it hides. Because of this prowess, the only way to catch it in the act is that taking-stock-thing.

   If I had to choose just one mantra, it’d be “coffee makes everything better,” which I’d then question because it would actually be “question everything.” We have to ask ourselves all the obvious “Why?”s then follow up with as many “Really?!”s as we can muster only to then ask my personal favorite, “So what!?” So what if it hurts to do that? It’s really not worth a little pain?? Why settle for less when you can have what you want??? I’ve been out of bed for a decade now & have learned a lot about keeping my body going while giving it the chance it needs to get healthier. Unfortunately, some good habits had devolved into bad ones thanx to my bossy friend Fear. Fortunately, I reached a point where I looked around & asked, “What the Hell?!?”

   The big picture was once again of a life on hold. Pane after pane revealed how miserly I’d become with my health. From simple things like not making myself an always coveted hot beverage when Dave wasn’t available because the back pain & aggravated headache seemed too high a price to no longer venturing far from home for fear of getting stranded as will happen when the wrong muscle acts up at the wrong time. Big change always starts with little changes so things like being the one to make our nightly tea are what started to get me back on track. My Grandma’s death proved my final boarding call for the “you created a life, live it already” train. Not only did I reflect on the first time she kicked me in the butt, that I might make more of my life, but I ended up spending time with her daughter (aka Momma) who equipped my butt with the things I’d need to get on with that life. I seldom answer Twitter’s update query, “What are you doing?” but — since returning home with vitamins my body can absorb, meds that do what my body can’t & my beautiful wooden cane, Chester — I could.

8. Many people suffer the same problems you do. You’re not alone, and neither are they. What would you tell people in your situation right now to help them avoid what you’re going through?

   Any time there’s not a tangible reason for a day to be lacklustre (frustration, health issue, disappointment), something needs to give. If you can’t pinpoint a problem but can’t declare a good day, your soul’s trying to tell you something. Decoding soul-speak can be tricky; common messengers are dreams, new frustrations (especially things that weren’t previously frustrating), cravings (often occurring with health issues) & recurring thoughts. Small changes can provide a new take on things as each day’s choices bring a different perspective. If nothing floats to the surface &/or you’re not typically so self-aware, the key to unlocking a current discontent or needed change is to journal. Nothing orderly or defined, mind you, & you needn’t continue indefinitely. Just shake a few things loose with some free-writing first thing in the morning or last thing at night. If you find yourself staring at a blank page, e-mail random thoughts (try using a time limit) to someone you trust or even yourself. Act on new ideas, try new things, change things up every chance you get & you’ll find what’s lacking.. or accidentally fulfill it.

9. If you could ask for one thing, right now, to help you overcome your Someday Syndrome, what type of help would you ask for? You might be tempted to provide a cheeky answer, but stop and think a moment about what would really help you.

   Ask me what I’m doing now & again. If I can’t answer, I’d better have a Hell of a reason. Simply put, everything I do has a physical price so I’m constantly weighing the cost against the return. Feedback provides such high return value as to make the cost consistently worthwhile. In turn, I have to be willing to proudly proclaim my accomplishments. Most people aren’t going to understand what a big deal walking to the store is, much less consider making coffee something to be proud of (unless I were 4 rather than 40), nor should they but I will. We don’t need reassurance to realize we’re doing something of value. What comes in handy though is prompting; we get a chance to remember what & why we’re doing whatever it is that’s uniquely ours with the irreplaceable bonus of knowing someone noticed. As much as I love to blog & — yes — tweet, the motivation does wane without feedback. Everything I do is done with the hope it’ll touch another soul so each & every response touches mine.

   I had set the goal of posting weeklyish to each of my blogs just before my current derailment so will be working my way back to that. Your feedback on any or all of them would be an immeasurable help & I encourage you to please share anything. Comment on the writing, format, theme, you name it, or just comment. ^_^ From the freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post at my primary blog, “Drink Deeply,” to the quotationaries — quotations w/commentary — “Dorian’s Demitasse” is filled with; I’m sharing what I’ve learned, my experiences & those I love with the intention of helping. Then there’s “Drink Deeply [of me]),” where I share just that: moi.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” ~ Buddha

The Declaration of Independence was adopted on the 4th of July but had yet to be signed & started as a resolution a month earlier. True change is never instantaneous but each choice plants a seed & every action waters it. What may start as unrest or discomfort often leads to declarations of intent yet it’s what we do with those good intentions that make the difference.. or not. In 1776, five men presented a resolution

“declar[ing] the United Colonies free and independent States, absolved from allegiance to or dependence on the Crown or Parliament of Great Britain…”

Copies were distributed to members of the Continental Congress as well as throughout the colonies & other territories upon its adoption. A congress made of revolutionaries rallied British colonists one year into an ongoing rebellion against Britain itself. The 13 colonies that participated did become the country we now know as The United States of America.. after seven more years of war.

That dawning of independence did not provide freedom. In declaring ourselves free, we stated our intent. An intention that would’ve been but a footnote in history had we not been willing to put in the work, take the risks & suffer the losses. As a side-note, it amazes me when Americans think France should be beholden to us for our involvement in World War II since French involvement was crucial to The American Revolutionary War & it was the Treaty of Paris that officially recognized the independence of The United States of America in 1783. Surely it was the least we could do, considering we may not have existed as the country we are without them.

“To safeguard democracy the people must have a keen sense of independence, self-respect, and their oneness.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

Allies are an important part of any revolution. Whether revolting against the status quo or your own habits, support from the right people — including yourself — is key. It can be as tricky to find true support from outside sources as it is to truly support ourselves. If we remember our choices plant seeds of possibility, perhaps we can assess our actions & influences more honestly. How are they watering those seeds? As detrimental as a drought of discouragement is, it’s seldom too late to revive a thirsty idea or intention. What we need to be wary of is any form of acid rain as it won’t just stunt the growth of our seeds of change. Acidic input will damage our personal revolution at its roots.

“Independence is my happiness, and I view things as they are, without regard to place or person; my country is the world, and my religion is to do good.”
~ Thomas Paine ~

Independence must not only be won but kept. From the moment we decide our circumstances must change, we are fighting for or against that goal. Only we can declare our intention, claim our independence & exercise our freedom. The confines in which we do that declaring, claiming &/or exercising is what varies. In Iran, the declaration of a vote may feel lost but the intention remains & the claims were heard. Amidst Iranian freedoms being challenged, it’s the Iranian people who must choose not to be quieted. We, as allies, must choose to keep listening. When larger freedoms are limited, we learn to recognize & exercise the power of our intrinsic liberties.

Rebellion begins with questioning yet often is the questioning. Conditioning & fear are the twin pillars of the staus quo, there to keep questioning to a minimum. Most North Koreans live in fear of the outside world rather than longing for it as we might imagine. Generation after generation is conditioned to trust a government that’s manipulating them. For all the liberty lost throughout the world, most painfully evident in regions like Darfur, rarely does freedom seem so lacking as in North Korea. Their physical freedoms lie at the end of an Underground Railroad like the one slaves once relied on in The US so freedom of thought becomes everything.

“Injustice in the end produces independence.”
~ Voltaire ~

Our thoughts are the ultimate battleground. Regardless of the freedoms we’re granted or opportunities we’re provided, we’ll offer up little more than passing fancies unless we dare to believe. No-one else can give us the chutzpah to question or the impetus to act. If we’re paying attention, others will demonstrate their faith in us & yet others will lead by example but we must be open to inspiration. In a world where new thoughts are frightening, North Koreans are nonetheless thinking them. Faced with history being revised as it’s being made, Iranians didn’t give up. Despite varying degrees of privilege, we are not truly free if we’re not willing to imagine a world radically different than the one we know.

“Independence … is loyalty to one’s best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.”
~ Mark Twain ~

That willingness, that independence of thought, is what the 4th of July is really about. Few freedoms exist that new thinking didn’t help create. Even our intrinsic liberties require creative thinking to be put to dynamic use. Whatever your country, don’t let your life be dictated by circumstance. Don’t settle for declaring what you want. Revel in that victory & find ways to start implementing what you envision. Whether the changes you imagine are large or small, take the action your current circumstances allow then build on that as things begin to change. Be patient but persistent, avoiding the drought of inaction & the acid rain of self-doubt. Any ideal we have for ourselves or the world, can & should be watered sought.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“True independence is a state of mind, not of being.”
~ Phyllis aka doreyart, as quoted in my post
‘Independence found, freedom fostered’ ~

“Don’t curse the darkness – light a candle.”
~ Chinese Proverb ~
(we all have light to lend & light sources to draw from,
find what ignites you)

[SEE this quotationary's full post @ the Demitasse blog.]

The “Dorian’s Demitasse” blog posts can be requested by e-mail, perused @ coffeesister.info &/or subscribed to via its feed so you can keep this espresso for the soul brewin’.. Feel free to comment here or on the actual posts. While my quotationary-inspired posts are now weekly, I still text other quotationaries & encouragement daily[ish]; contact me to opt-in. Neither your e-mail address nor mobile # will be used for anything else.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple.
Take it and copy it.”
~ Anatole France ~

What the Hell’s so special about December? Absolutely nothing. Calendars are changed time & again, traditions are tweaked over the years & holidays are moved about as if in competition. Thus, it’s not the month, the time of year nor even the holidays being celebrated we should give a damn about. It’s the opportunity to do so. Although those opportunities aren’t equally distributed across countries or throughout various job descriptions, the emphasis on the very things we should be giving particular attention to year round is just about universal. Let’s not look a gift horse in its proverbial mouth.

Hi there, horse called gift, what mouth? I just appreciate YOU! These intersecting holidays, traditions & family gatherings that come at the end of every year have brilliant timing. What better way to wrap up one year & prepare for the next?! It’s not about resolutions but rather refining the resolution in which you view your life. Our lives are not only larger pictures made of smaller panes but are each a small pane in the larger picture that is the world. That creates two important responsibilities. Regardless of our personal level of awareness, we are world citizens & yet must heed the needs in our own lives in order to have anything to give.

Give yourself the best gift of all — take stock. By focusing on what’s most important to you, you’ll know what to spend your time on through the holidays & every day as well as what goals to work toward in the new year. It’s the simplest equation in life; by prioritizing the things that matter, we have more time to enjoy & make the most of them. You may not be looking for or even want change but you most likely do want a continuation of what’s good in your life. That’s only possible by supporting those very things (& people). Beyond not taking all we value for granted, neither can we take for granted what is & isn’t possible. Question your status quo.

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal,
and that every path may lead to peace.”
~ Agnes M. Pharo ~

We’ve got a shitload of celebrating going on & a practically universal focus on all the salient issues.. As I said last year, take advantage:

Be it merry or happy, Chanukah or Advent, Kwanzaa or Boxing Day, Winter Solstice or multiple choice; may the season hold both meaning & moments of joy. Whether you’re recreating traditions or creating new ones, have spent too much or have nothing to spend, what’s clear & what matters is taking the time to reflect. What do you believe, what are you open to &, moreover, who do you love but, most importantly, how are you showing it? From taking time to be kind to yourself to the thoughtfulness you’re showing to those around you, it’s not that December has a corner on the market nor should but with all these holidays intertwining; take advantage, people! [Do read the rest, if you haven't already.]

My own life has changed this past year yet stayed the same in important ways. I lost Taz but gained Pagan, Dave lost the job that made our new home possible but is following his heart, we had to forgive ourselves the debts & accept the miracles but still have no furniture. What we’re always striving for are small but effective changes, sustainable choices & a continued focus on only that which improves our lives. Whatever your take on those ideals, seize this opportunity to set aside anything that’s not adding to your overall happiness. From how we celebrate the holidays themselves to what we plan for our futures, let’s not be afraid of failure nor let ourselves be derailed by it. If anything, it should rerail us.

Failing towards success: Discover what doesn’t work & let it go. If anything goes wrong (or less than right — read “not as planned”) this holiday, laugh it off & look past it to the heart of the matter. The same goes for our day-to-day living. Use your plans as guidelines, your dreams as goals & add in something just for yourself each day. Let those “selfish” moments fuel all the selfless ones while that emerging balance begins to define all you do. Have a Hell of a Happy Merry Christmaskah-Advanzaa-Boxing Solstice &, when the gift horse bucks you, just climb back on.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays–let them overtake me unexpectedly–waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: ‘Why this is Christmas Day!’”
~ Ray Stannard Baker ~

PS: Perhaps the most significant change this Xmas is that it’ll be spent w/family for the first time in many years! RhodesTer & I have always worked jobs that only get busier this time of year; had he not been laid off, he would’ve been working til midnight both Christmas Eve & Christmas..

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”
~ Burton Hillis ~

Time is relative. Time is fleeting. Time is what we make of it. As all of these are true, time must also be changeable yet these are simultaneously true, all the time. This makes time largely a matter of perception, like truth, but those are different discussions. This relative truth about time is one we’ve all experienced; whatever our current perception of its passing, pass it does & time’s unfortunately finite in that we can’t recreate it. Each moment is unique & should be appreciated.

Living in the moment implies varying goals with various approaches to varied people. Although the underlying desire is to make the most of every moment, that means something different to each of us & something else again from moment to moment. The most common approach is trying to fit as much as possible into any given time at hand. Being a multi-tasker by nature, I’ve run that race & can get awfully excited at the prospect of accomplishing multiple things at once.

Racing against the clock is neither fun nor helpful, unless you’re actually racing. When our focus becomes time itself, we’re stealing focus from the task or discovery begging for our attention. In order to smell the roses, we must notice them first. It’s not so much about taking the time to stop & smell – that’s certainly nice, however, & I highly recommend it when the mood strikes – as the simple fact we enrich our world each time we look around. Case in point, my cat just interrupted me.

Interruptions are ours to make of them what we will. Mid-accomplishment, it’s natural to get frustrated if interrupted & easy to expend energy trying to keep the distraction from being distracting. Not only do we end up with excess negative energy that way but we can spend more time avoiding something than if we just took a moment to appreciate it. Between paragraphs, Shadow & I played which resulted in us both being happier with maybe a minute of writing lost before letting my foot be her plaything upon continuing.

Tori Deaux of MindTweaks shared a study wherein participants were given a simple, monotonous game to play:

Even though the participants were alert and focused on their task, parts of the brain usually associated with relaxation began to light up.

At the same time, parts of the brain associated with cognitive control and sustained attention began to turn off. So even though they intended to stay alert, their brain was shutting down, forcing them into a less focused state.

So even though the person was paying attention, their brain stopped paying attention.

Breaking up the monotony helps our brains stay alive & aware. Setbacks like losing our train of thought are aggravating but there are new thoughts & different perspectives awaiting our discovery. Instead of tracking how we’re spending our moments, taking the time to enjoy them will lead to accomplishing what we want rather than trying to tackle too much. Time spent appreciating the found joys in life is never wasted & seeking found moments doesn’t require putting everything else on hold.

Dave Navarro of Rock Your Day offers his 80/20 Rule of Balance as a way to enjoy your life right now:

For example, yesterday, our family had an enormous amount of work to do in terms of cleaning up the house / tackling maintenance projects.  The little ones wanted to go to the park, to go for bike rides, to play Lego for hours … but we didn’t have the time. In the past, I would have said, “there’s too much work to do … if we can get it all done, then we’ll have time to play.”

But yesterday I applied the 80/20 Rule of Balance and did this – every so often throughout the day I’d stop working and spend 15-30 minutes playing with the kids. It was rushed, I didn’t have the time I thought I needed to really “make it count,” but it didn’t matter. The kids were very happy. They didn’t need much – just a little time made a big difference. And I made some badass Lego spaceships.  Really badass.

Pursuing our goals becomes more enjoyable & sustainable when we are also spending time pursuing ourselves. Those pursuits are not exclusive but have an ebb & flow as they feed into each other. We’ll each have a different balance to strike but will universally benefit from allowing ourselves to enjoy the unexpected moments amidst the scheduled ones.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time
finds time on his side.”
~ The Talmud ~

We all take things for granted. Whether you’re now reassuring yourself you do try to make your appreciation known or mentally launching a list of relationships & blessings, STOP! The jump from considering what’s being taken for granted to wondering whether we’re showing our appreciation is born of the desire to turn intention into action. Ironically, when contemplating what we may be taking for granted, we typically get side-tracked by the very things we’re NOT. We inevitably end up thinking of everything we would never want to take for granted then find ourselves wanting to ensure our appreciation is known. What we are or aren’t expressing is important but it’s not what fundamentally affects how we live our lives.

What we do take for granted can’t be readily called to mind. Between suppositions handed down to us & assumptions we make ourselves, the ‘facts’ that need to be in question are precisely the things we presume true. From passing curiosities we’ve never explored to the greater ‘truths’ we live by, anything we take on as our own should be vetted. Whatever’s worth keeping will hold up to scrutiny. Just as we can be our own beta tester, we must also be our own fact checker. How much of what we believe has [seemingly] always been believed? What was true in another context or ‘right’ in a different society may not be the universal truth it seems. Look behind the cultural trappings to find any kernels of truth that carried it through the years. As excerpted from Paulo Coelho’s blog:

The fact is, many of the rules we obey nowadays have no real foundation. Nevertheless, if we wish to act differently, we are considered “crazy” or “immature”.

Meanwhile, society continues to create some systems which, in the fullness of time, lose their reason for existence, but continue to impose their rules. An interesting Japanese story illustrates what I mean..

Why question what we believe? Ideas that are truly our own are more defensible & ours to make or break. It also becomes a question of what we can discover along the way. The journey we take to compile our belief system should be an adventure. It’ll seem unnecessarily risky, or even scary, at times but the alternative is living lives dictated by others’ experiences. Depending on your comfort zone & how much you’re willing to push its boundaries, vary the size of presumption you challenge at any given time. Never doubt that it’s just as important to question beverage beliefs as it is to ponder divine dogma. After all, drink right & we’ll be around long enough (not to mention feel well enough) to live right.

Convinced you’ll never increase your water intake because you just don’t like the taste of it? Explore your options; flavor additives, herbal tea or even popsicles. How about addressing two health improvements with one solution? 100% juice bypasses the additives so it’s better for you but all the unadulterated juice means it’s also strong enough to withstand being diluted thus you can add in juice & drink your water too.

The truth of the matter is that you can only [happily] live in a manner that’s right for you. Accepting that truth is THE reason to question all others. How can we live according to our own compass, be it moral or otherwise, if we’re busy following the dictates of those who went before us. Of course we should learn from any & all experience we can, striving to not have to make all the mistakes ourselves, but we must also personalize the conclusions. What previously accepted truism have you challenged? Are there any forgone conclusions you’ve always been curious about? If we can ask the questions we’ve never thought of or been too afraid to consider, we’ll discover lasting truths. What truths should we be taking on?!

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
~ Buddha ~

PS: Happy May Day!

“The time has come,” the Walrus said.. but let’s leave shoes, ships & such aside for now. For us, it’s time to make the impending move. We do feel a bit like oysters to our friend-turned-landlord’s walrus, especially as he’ll be visiting this strip of sand shortly. Finding our own wee shell is quite the challenge due to failed credit born of wanderlust & other anti-societal choices.

It’s interesting how struggling financially causes some people to assume laziness when in fact we’ve oft had to work harder than the average Joe or Jane. Some of the hardest workers I’ve known are also the poorest. Those of you who’ve made a decision for personal reasons despite the financial ramifications will understand. Our walrus informed me that being poor is a choice; we wouldn’t be poor, edible oysters if only we’d not settled for edibility.

To be fair, since I appreciate both honesty & opinions from all, I considered his claim. Lo & behold, there was a choice that set me on this path. At the age of 18, I abandoned my plan to nanny in New York as a way out of my multi-repressed hometown. I instead made the unthinkable choice to stay in a town I’d already run away from multiple times in order to work with Youth for Christ.

Not only was I offering peer counseling & doing public speaking for free, I ended up with three jobs to support the habit. I had all those jobs when I met RhodesTer & would not have met him if I hadn’t made that choice to be poor three years earlier. Worse yet, as we came to realize we couldn’t imagine life without each other, I lured him down my potentially penniless path by admitting I would rather be poor & happy in lieu of a less than happy alternative.

Here’s the thing: I’d make choice after choice again.. So, while walruses may see me as fodder unless I’m building sandcastles, it’s just a cozy shell I’m after. This friend of ours may have failed miserably to see — much less accept — us for who we are yet was actually well-intentioned. Thus, he’s admittedly not so much the Walrus perhaps as the Carpenter which may explain why he believes no-one could actually want to simplify their lives.

Being in Real Estate, that’s an understandable if limited view. I’d explained to him via e-mail, “We’ve purposely stripped away anything that won’t support a life that is equally sustainable and enjoyable.” He replied, “The only reason you’ve purposely stripped away anything is because you’ve had too not because you’ve wanted too.” However, home-making is a lifestyle & it’s simply not one I’m interested in; maintaining a house is not how I want to expend my energy.

“Purchasing a home is not the act of a pessimist,” said Frank Nothaft, chief economist at Freddie Mac. “But it is the act of a dweeb. Sure, renting costs more over time than owning, but do you want to spend your weekends cleaning out leaf gutters and fixing the garage-door opener, or do you want to be happy? Life is way too short, people. Loosen up.”

Okay, okay, my source is The Onion but the key to satire is its underlying truth. My mum (she’s one of my best friends as well) pointed out that, while I create a home wherever I am, house-keeping is definitely not for me. A person’s belongings & surroundings are an extension of self. This, of course, is why so many literally try to build themselves up materially. Yet, each & every thing we own or keep near us is also an expenditure of energy.

If you’re the type of carpenter that’s more concerned with the lemonade stand than the lemonade, our legitimate desire for simplified living will likely never make sense to you. The most misunderstood aspect of such a choice is that desiring simplicity is not an intention to stay poor. It is instead a determination to spend our money on experiences & those in need rather than our lifestyle.

Our carpenter friend cites “a friend that never made much money. Maybe she’d make $10,000 – $12,000 a year and that was a good year.  She always lived in a small studio apartment with very little and drove a very used car. I’ve been working with her and helping her over the years to do more then she has allowed herself. She use to say the same thing, “I just like to live simple…I don’t need much…blah, blah, blah.” Just last week she told me that although she was serious and believed her statement back then, she really likes the life she now has and she is so thankful for the change. She now owns two rental properties, gets paychecks of $9,000 (as she said, about what she use to get in a year), drives a Mercedes (not that everyone has too or wants too but it’s nice if you do and can), has the freedom to pursue her true passions of acting and ministry, etc., etc., etc. One other thing she said is that she now thinks it was incredibly selfish to think the way she did. By being able to make money she can do more for those around her. By only living for herself on a very small budget is selfish because that doesn’t allow you to do much for those around. I think she has a point. Last week she just called me to say thank you for the change in her life.”

While we are very happy for her & glad his tutelage proved something she wanted, hers is no more a style of life that appeals to us than her carpenter’s is. Both acting & ministry have been significant aspects of our lives as well but RhodesTer is working toward writing multiple roles rather than play one at a time while I continue to share myself with anyone who needs an ear, shoulder or piece of my ever-present silver jewelry. Most recently, I was able to impart myself to my cousin’s teenage daughter with a ring I regularly wore. Most of what I own has been with the understanding that it’s just until I meet its next owner.

Ultimately, we want nothing more than to make the most of whatever lemons come our way & will continue to work hard at juicing (no milking — milk is meant for foam — besides, lemons = juice) every opportunity that arises. Not once have we opted for an easy way out, much less ever doing less, but find that it’s not work per se when it supports what you love & nothing extraneous. We may be small fish, or oysters, in a large pond but are working hard to sort a shell we can call home. As of our once-friend’s impending visit, come hell or high water, we’ll be moving into something & are simply striving at this point to not waste our meager funds on a motel.

(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
~ Elbert Hubbard ~

Words known by their salient point — “Wear Sunscreen” – became known as the alleged MIT commencement speech given by author Kurt Vonnegut. Made famous by that internet hoax a decade ago, it’s actually an essay titled “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” written by Mary Schmich and published in her Chicago Tribune column in 1997. “It was quite witty, but not my wittiness,” Vonnegut generously said to Mary. Not only is it indeed witty but I quite agree with her!

This musical form of the essay is a successful remix of Quindon Tarver’s “Everybody’s Free (To Feel Good),” from the 1996 film “William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet.” Utilizing his ‘Romeo + Juliet’ soundtrack, Baz Luhrmann orchestrated the melding of media that is “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen).” He released it on the 1998 album “Baz Luhrmann Presents: Something For Everybody.” Its first video, which was directed and animated by Bill Barminski, uses a “1999” edit of the song. The most recent video venture to be inspired by the song as well as Mary’s spot on advice is the Sunscreen Movie.

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“Here’s my advice: Go ahead and be wacky. Get into a crazy frame of mind and ask what’s funny about what you’re doing.”
~ Roger Von Oech ~

Change is inevitable, whether it comes from within or is prompted by outward forces. What seems chaotic seldom is. In turn, what appears insignificant cannot really be so. There are those who would have you believe that to affect your destiny or create the very change you want, you need only think it hard enough – w/sufficient belief. While it’s certainly true that our outlook absolutely impacts our fate, it is a far more symbiotic relationship. Directed thinking touches on just how very much our minds & bodies interact but is only a beginning.

Our psyches & somas are not mere partners in crime. Each is wholly impacted by the other. Being the proud owner of various psychosomatic diseases not only makes me feel a little psycho @ times but actually causes numerous others to assume it’s true. Of course, the reality is that what is preexisting (not to mention very real ;->) physically is affected psychologically. Unfortunately, that can then create a vicious cycle. Should I get discouraged or – God forbid – panic, I both lessen my ability to cope w/my physicality & actually worsen.

Endorphins are our body’s best gift to us & the scientific reason to laugh. By seeking out change in any form, be it that sudden burst of laughter or an entire lifestyle upheaval, we keep from stagnating. There is nothing so downwardly mobile as inaction. Stillness is a reprieve, an opportunity to rejuvenate, but staying still too long devolves. If you find yourself still still even after an idea has cropped up or simply a readiness to do whatever is next on your list, you will not only lose motivation but desire.

W/out desire, we would all accept status quo as an ideal reality. Okay, pardon me while I take a moment to be downright frightened. What is especially frightening is that I have seen that non-approach to life employed time & again. What is so sad is how unnecessary such inaction is. Tho’ it is easy to imagine change is perhaps not even just hard but maybe even impossible, remember it really doesn’t take much. Alas, that works both directions. Each opportunity is a fork in the road & the missed ones will keep you from a myriad of other opportunities as well.

On the other hand, each moment seized opens a new world. That world we have created & recreated w/each decision expands by leaps & bounds the more open we are to new things. Sometimes, the best new things are revisitations of old ones. For example, while a smile is far from new, adding one in an unexpected place &/or to an unsuspecting recipient, will create a chain reaction which will change your whole day. Furthermore, when I knew it was time for drastic change 2 years ago (Does it get more drastic than returning to full-time employ?! -_-), I revisited old ideas & realized that it was the video stores I enjoyed most of my 2 decades in retail.

Thus, we can direct our own lives & daily experiences powerfully but not w/thought alone. A friend shared her daily horoscope w/me today & I particularly liked the included advice, “make the decision to respond, instead of react”. Whereas reaction is born of emotion, response is an acting on it which utilizes thought too. Therefore, you become proactive, now reacting w/intelligence which creates ideas & finally motion. Once in motion, you can steer your own course. Admittedly, we do not have control over outcome & course corrections will always be needed yet, if we’re plotting new paths, just the journey is worth the effort. Whether or not it leads where you want or ANYwhere @ all, strike out, be bold, take strides &, above all, try something new (or anew ^_^)!

(_)> “The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life.” – Count Leo Tolstoy

Easter has gone by,
just as Passover passed over, & Spring is springing. Thus, rebirth is in the air. My own rebirth actually came towards the end of summer but human cycles are not always in sync w/planetary ones. It was the Spring prior that the seeds of my emergence were germinated tho’. Long dormant, they slowly sprang to life amidst questions I tho’t I had answered. Renewed questions led to intriguing challenges et voila. Granted, I had to not only be ready to seek new answers but willing to be changed by them.

Speaking of questions, what form are they taking in your mind? Did I “find God”? “Discover religion”? Become a “Jesus freak“? Yes and no to all 3 & many more. I finally addressed God in a new way for I already knew he existed. I ultimately recognized the point of religion. I discerned a desire to be Christ-like which, by the way, is *all* ‘Christian’ means. Tho’ I am one, I am still not religious, nor am I pious (I swear ;->) &, most importantly, I feel no sense of being better than ANYone. In fact, quite the opposite.

How can we seek to become more in tune w/ourselves, God, others, the Universe or what have you w/out wholly accepting how very imperfect we are? It’s important to not take refuge in our faults, either as excuse or from some twisted sense of pride. Oh, the humanity of it all, literally! We are all alike; wondrous yet infinitely flawed, individual while part of a whole, doomed & destined for greatness. The thing is, it’s just TOO synchronous, even when & where out of kilter for “out of” implies that there is kilter to be had.

My point?! We’re not an accident – there is a far larger picture thus a much greater wisdom. Be it Bradbury’s ‘Butterfly Effect’ or the planets themselves, there is a source. Whatever you believe, or don’t believe for that matter, I do believe in one true God. True being the key word for therein lies absolute Truth of which we have only pieces. As archaic as so simple a creed may seem, it is precisely its simplicity that allows its plausibility. With all things working together for good, despite all our interference via free will, I see everything as part of God’s plan.

You see, I also recognize the myriad other possibilities in our existence & beyond. It is precisely because I understand there to be a source, a beginning that is also an end, a cycle of creation both coming & having gone full circle, that I cannot help but see how truly anything IS possible. For God to be who I have faith He is, there is nothing w/which He can be mutually exclusive. The real beauty of this all is that, while I had an actual epiphanic moment on August 11th of 1986, each of you will grapple w/these truths in your own way. It is utterly not my place to even imagine you should think as I do.

Whatever my belief in a greater, singular Truth, its impact on you is inherently different. While the questions & especially doubts hold the same importance for all of us, just getting us questioning is key. What should be naught but a pursuit of truth, has become so many various forms of Religion that what was born of noble intent is defeating itself. Religion has become exclusive rather than inclusive, a system of judging rather than growing &, worst of all, a means of condemnation rather than salvation.

I do not believe all religions to be aspects of the same principle or even journeys to the same goal. Instead, they are cultural traditions which are simply how we each interface w/our internal journey. They each have beauty & will all serve individual needs. However, what we have come to know as churches, whatever size, shape or sort, are neither Christian or non-Christian. Just as w/any tradition, they can lead or distract. Christianity, aside from ‘Christian churches’ (of which there are both bad & good, as w/anything else man-made), is in fact just a relationship.

I truly hope this did not come off as preachy. It was intended as purely observational for it, as w/each post herein, was simply where my musings led.

(_)> “Every one who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the Universe-a spirit vastly superior to that of man, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble.” – Albert Einstein